Here i am again. i thought i am soo close to being over him. i`m soo dead wrong. For the first time ever, i cried for the effin jerk who had the guts to break my heart over and over and over again. i never cried for him before (when he totally left me hangin! ) but today was, let's just say, different. just a simple pm from him sent my heart down into the drain. It went like this:
R: ga..(then a link..)
help xa ffs b.
ME: (feelin all giddy..)
lols. oki. (then i clicked on the link..)
..done!
(no reply.)
..yah..as usual he did not reply after he got what he wanted. typical him. the worst part about this roller coaster ride with him is that it makes me feel empty and alone and it's been like months (i`m guessing three). yah, sounds like your girl here is bitter right? well guess what..i am! i thought i could just hide the pain but the truth just hit me right in the face..i am still into him like hell. i pretended like i am not anymore but today..i come clean.i still want him so bad and i miss him sooo much and i`d do anything just to have him right beside me. But i guess it`s really too late. He already has his eyes set on this girl he fondly calls ABC and his "property"!
.. i even cried myself to sleep last night. i have all these gazillion questions running through my mind.
..what happened?
..did i do something wrong to make him go away?
..does he even care?
..did he really meant what he texted me?
..i thought he wanted to give it another shot coz he thinks it's a mistake leaving me. Where is he now?
..is he into that girl?
..are we even friends?
..and blah..blah..blah..
..argggggh! this is killing me. it drives me crazy thinking what has happened and what could have happened given a different circumstance and i mean..if i haven't sent all those stupid and at-times-fake GMs.
..he's all i have ever wanted and although we only had each other for so short a time, i am sure as hell that i love him.
..it's just so hard to move on when all that i ever think about are the memories we made and all those things he said. I just hate the thought of losing him..even as a friend. But he`s just soo far away from me. He always keeps his distance from me like i have some sort of a disease or something. It seems like the mere mention of me freaks him out (or maybe im just exaggerating). BUT, he still calls me "ga". arggggghhhhh! screw this.
..people tell me to move on because this only means that he doesn't want me anymore or that he's just not worth it..heck! what do you know? easy for you to say `cause you haven't known him. he`s the best that i ever had. just like katy perry`s song goes.. how do i get better once i`ve had the best?
..i just wish he`d stop being a mannequin and just see me. :l
